Sleeping Valor

I haven't completely read it yet (I have to go sleep =P) but the very first thing I notice is how squished together your text is. Try separating it a ...

Her hands rubbed each other now, blistered from contact with her spear. Only one question: blister=pain, so why is she rubbing her hand together!? o_O Doesn't that hurt?? Fallon sat ...

The night sky was black, and only a single thick cloud lit grey from a faint glow of a pale moon. The night sky was black, and only a single ...

Kaspar felt dizzy, and the boat shook beneath his unsteady feet, forcing him to sit down, lest he fall into the red, murky waters the the delta. I think that ...

Nice story. Automatically has my seal of aproval because the vampire is funny. *hugs vampires* Var var amusing. I have only one question... “You're a creepy bastard, you know it?” ...

The story looks good! It reminds me of the days when I used to roleplay alot. But you should be careful, if you'd really like this to look like a ...

To start: nice. Very nice. Loved it. I like to story and how you bring it out bit by bit until the picture is whole, like sculpting. Absolutely beautiful. My ...

They observed the rest of the family as scum but were too well trained not to say anything that involved anything that wasn’t about them. The way you wrote this ...

making her first and steadfast impression of her teacher and for a relived moment she felt the shadows eyes fall off her "and for a relieved moment" is what I ...

*Hapilly tears her friend's story to peices* I love you, that's why I am going to help you make this better. Chapter 1 Introduction. Is it the introduction to Chapter ...

He nudged the young teen besides him and gave him the all-knowing eye. I think it should be beside and not besides. “They are never gonna know what him ‘em.” ...

I like it. I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going. One thing I would suggest us separating your text a bit more paragraph wise. It makes it easier ...

Bad: This may just be me, but i find using brackets to add detail is like saying "here's some extra information you might as well know but I don't see ...

You shouldn't replace the original with a changed version, if you do people like me don't get to see how the story has changed T_T. Sounds interesting. I liked the ...

Okie. I went and read Atlantean 1 and 2. Your plot is fastmoving and interesting, which is good. If you spent more time describing (I'll say this again and again ...